Mr. Driesdale...Is Everything Okay, Sir?

The scene opens upon two beautiful women, sitting in the front of a high-business office. They’re clearly secretaries and, if you listen close enough, you can hear a man complaining in the main office; complaining about not being able to pitch coffee as sexy. The camera pans back to the two women who are clearly dressed in a style reminiscent of the 1950s. They smirk at one another, stand up and move over to the coffee pot near the businessman. The camera closes in one of the secretaries; the brunette one, as she takes a drink of coffee, moans and says in a smoky voice, “Mmm…isn’t Fierce Roast Coffee delicious?” The camera then swings around to close in on the other secretary; the blonde one, as she says something equally loaded in sexual innuendo. The scene snaps to the businessman, who’s looking extremely flustered, as the two female secretaries move over to his desk. The brunette female has a container of coffee beans that she’s running the tip of her pointer finger around, very slowly. This is happening at the same time as the blonde female is leaning closer to the businessman, whispering low, “Mr. Driesdale…is everything okay, Sir?”

Welcome to the world of nonverbal communication concerning women and media.

This opening scene was an actual commercial filmed for an episode of America’s Next Top Model, filmed on March 16. In it, the women were supposed to try and “sell” the idea of Fierce Roast Coffee to Mr. Driesdale; to make coffee sexy. Now, I love Tyra Banks just as much as the next person, but I remember watching this episode thinking, “What the flaming HELL is she trying to say about women?”

Whether it’s blatant sexual innuendo or a portrayal of a weakened woman, these are, in the majority, the ways we see women in the media. They’re either pushing their breasts out or shrinking into the background; lowering their eyes in submission. Women are either retreating flowers or ravenous sex kittens. Or, rather; almost all of them are. We occasionally will have the powerful women like those exhibited in Nikita, but it’s truly amazing to think about how often women are portrayed as inferior, particularly in nonverbal language, in the media.

What’s most interesting is that research shows that women tend to interpret nonverbal language better than men. Though, you hardly see anything of the sort in the media. In some ways, I do agree that women are better at interpreting nonverbal language. If only because women are known as the “nurturers” and that just means that you’ve got to be a bit better at perception, now doesn’t it? But, again, there’s the question hanging in the air that if everyone’s so aware of women being better at interpreting nonverbal language, why are they always shown in media as either unable to handle even the simplest of body signals or sending out particular signals with their bodies that doesn’t necessarily show how perceptive they are? Well, aside from that one category.

For the second year in a row, I’ve participated in being part of AVC’s production of The Vagina Monologues. It’s with a group of truly fantastic people that we talk about women’s issues and rights and how they’re portrayed. We spend time identifying with the women Eve Ensler wrote about in several of her books. We laugh and cry and it’s these things that should be shown in media; these nonverbal cues that women truly pick up on. One cast member’s monologue sticks out to me. Or rather, one particular line from the show over the weekend: “When she gets over that, and over all of us, she will finally, perhaps even triumphantly, belong to herself.”

Your Face Says Differently...

I don’t have to tell you I’m pissed off for you to know that I’m angry. I do this thing where I kind of look like I’m going to set the nearest person ablaze just with a glance and I get really quiet and…you get the picture, right? Now, I absolutely understand that I talk a lot. Stereotypically speaking, I’m a girl; girls talk a lot. But, I’m also really animated and have lots to say and I rarely hold back an opinion if I’m asked for it. So, yes. I talk a lot. And, I like that about myself. But, I also like that I’m so animated that you can tell how I feel about something just by my body language. I’m a big believer in paying attention to the nonverbal cues of others.

For example, I’ve got this best friend. She’s the best person I know, but she’s not much of a talker. However, I can tell nearly everything that she’s not saying by how she holds herself; her facial expressions, body language, etc. For me? My quirks and nonverbally whatsits? Let’s see…

Aside from being angry (which I am a lot; I’ve got a quick temper), there are several ways in which to observe how I feel about something. When I’m really interested in something, I tilt my head. That’s one of the dead giveaways if I’m paying attention to you or not. Or whether I’m interested in what you’re saying. My best friend knows me well enough to stop in the middle of a conversation and just give me this look that screams, “You’re just nodding your head to make it seem like you’re listening. I know you better than that”.

If I’m nervous or uncomfortable about something, I’ll bite my lip or my nails. Though, I’m a nail-biter by nature (I’ve been doing so since I was old enough to chew, ladies and gentlemen), so that’s a moot point, yeah? My best friend also says that I blink rapidly if I’m nervous or uncomfortable. I’d like to say differently, but that’s one of those nonverbal cues I’ve never really noticed before. It’s nice when people notice things for you, isn’t it?

Now, like I’ve stated, I’m an animated person, so my facial features give me away a lot of the time. I’m the girl you’ll see reading a book and you’ll know exactly what’s happening in the book because it’s written all over my face. Just ask my Biology teacher in high school. Because I was such a model student, I was reading for leisure during class and I had laughed out loud and shook my head from the novel (if you ever get a chance to read the Georgia Nicholson series, please do it; they’re absolutely hysterical). There was a special place in the back of the classroom that he reserved especially for me whenever I did that.

Really, I find it absolutely fascinating that you’re able to know how someone’s feeling without speaking with them. Nonverbal cues, specifically for me, are unavoidable. However, I kind of like it that way.

English vs. The World

Picture this: You’re on this massively long car ride to visit some relative you’ve never met before, but Mom and Dad have sworn you have. No matter how much you argue that you’ve never met Auntie Muriel, they’re sure you have. Of course, this fact doesn’t much matter. All that matters is that you have to pee. Really bad. You’ve been holding it for at least an hour and a half and it’s with a voice tinged with pain that you tell your parents that you’ve “got to go”. With grumbles and groans, Dad pulls off the interstate and into a rather dirty gas station. As soon as the car stops, you’re out of the seat and flying into the station, asking for directions to the restroom. Only you’re met with a problem. The man behind the counter only speaks fluent Japanese and it’s then that you realize two things: you’re not going to have a conversation that you’ll understand and you’re most likely going to piddle yourself right in the middle of the dirty gas station. Not exactly the picture of perfection, now is it?

Now, I’m what my mother fondly refers to as a “mutt”. I’ve got a little bit of every ethnicity in me; everything from Italian to a quarter-Cherokee Indian. However, what I don’t have is the gift of being bilingual. So, I write this not exactly knowing firsthand how difficult it is for those whose native language isn’t English, but rather as someone who’s witnessed it happen to her friends and family. We live in a competitive society that is widely dominated by the English language. Of course, this makes it extremely difficult for those nonnative people to try and live in America. I read someone’s blog and they mentioned that English is one of the hardest languages to learn. I don’t know firsthand if it is, but I can confidently say that they’re probably right.

I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to experience the world of American Sign Language. The language in itself is constantly battling the English language. Simply because anyone who isn’t familiar with ASL seems to believe that it is connected to English. This, however, could not be further from the truth. One of the first things that you learn when you start American Sign Language is that English and ASL are not the same nor are they connected to one another. Once you understand that you can’t learn ASL through English, it makes a hell of a difference.

If we look at how much the English language is affecting the world; specifically the global economy, it’s easy to see that the language isn’t all good. Now, don’t get this girl wrong. I love me some English. I think it’s imperative for me to survive. But, it saddens me when I hear that everyone should learn the language and disregard all the others. Where would we be? Different cultures are aready responding by sticking close to their native language; they’re making sure that their heritage and culture doesn’t go anywhere. And, I fully support that.

So, if anyone was wondering what happened to that girl in the dirty gas station with the language barrier between her and the Japanese man, here’s the end of the story: she was very close to having an accident right there in the middle of the convenience store, but luckily body language spoke louder than language barriers and the man smiled and pointed to the back room. Clearly bodily functions transcend not understanding one another through speech.

XOXO, Gossip Girl

Dear Reader,

It’s all about you! No, seriously, it is. How often have you heard this phrase in a negative way? Well, not from me; not this time. When it comes to writing (and, if you’re reading this, then you know this letter is about writing), it’s truly all about you. What’s your writing style? Everyone has one! Maybe you’re an interpretive writer; letting the audience draw from your words whatever they wish. Or maybe you write largely in metaphors (maybe a little dangerous, but you surely live on the edge). Whatever your personal writing style is, it’s all about your process and your methods. I’m sure you’re wondering, however, how you might develop your own personal writing style? How this fabulous piece of woman got her own? Or does she even have her own writing style? Now, clearly, I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t already have one. But, readers, I’ve got a secret for you. And, we all know how much I like secrets.

I didn’t always have a writing style.

I existed for years without one. I floated around, writing empty words onto paper. It was really rather sad. And, of course, I just couldn’t bare it happening to any of you. This would be my reason for writing to you! I’ve finally found my writing style and I find it absolutely imperative that I share my secrets with you. That way, you can stun others with your own personal style. Here are just a few ways that helped me find myself (try to ignore the heaviness of that last sentence; you know how I love dramatics):

1. Go at your own speed.

Don’t be afraid to take your time. If you allow yourself those god-forsaken hours to boil over whether or not you like what you wrote, you’re allowing yourself an opportunity to get to know your work. And, don’t be afraid if you’re going too fast. Your speed is different than everyone else’s. There’s nothing wrong with that.

2. Don’t erase anything.

I do this thing where I never erase anything I write when I sit down in front of the computer. Mostly because there was this one time where I erased roughly two pages of, what I had deemed at the time, useless. Turned out that it had been pure gold two days later, but at that point, it had been gone for some time. I mourned the loss of my fabulousity and it would pain me for the very same thing to happen to you. Hang onto those “useless” nuggets of craptasticness. They may just save you in the long run.

3. Don’t be ashamed.

There’s no such thing as bad writing; only writing that needs to be improved. But, what am I saying? I’m saying to dig deep and never be ashamed of something you write. It may just be the one piece you need to find out how you function in the writing world. I’ve learned through heart-breaking experience and lots of tears (and, subsequently, lots of Ben & Jerry’s), that no one can take away who you are through writing. They can try, but if you’re grounded in what you write and the pride you take in your works, then nothing can bring you down. Even if it’s just a sentence, hold onto it like it’s your firstborn child (those are always Mommy and Daddy’s favorite; even if they tell you different).

So, readers, how do you feel? Scared? Nervous? Excited? I say “Excellent!” to all of these things. Use your unstable, yet charming, emotions to motivate you through the writing world. Find your style. It’s there somewhere. Oh, and when you find it? Don’t ever let it go. That’s it for now! Until next time!

XOXO,

Gossip Girl (via writing style this week)