“The only thing that I have ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several little fires.” –Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex in the City
I’d known this guy almost my entire life. There had been that one, tragically strange moment where I almost dated his brother, but that’s all hearsay. He (the other guy; not the almost-boyfriend) was kind and wonderful and sweet. He was the kind of guy that you thought, “Okay, they don’t altogether exist in real-life, but I’m lucky enough to know someone like him”. The entire family has enlisted in the military. It’s kind of been their thing and I’ve always been incredibly impressed and proud to say that I know them. First it was the almost-boyfriend that enlisted in the Navy and then it was him. He enlisted in the Marines. This sweet, charming, amazing guy who I had known forever enlisted in the Marines. Pride isn’t a word that fits for what I felt for him.
Fast-forward eight months.
He had left for training and then come back for visits. Who came back was not who left. He’d completely changed. And, not in the good way. I remember one specific example with stark clarity. I was at church (we had met at church, you see) and I was reading (because I’m literally always reading something). I had gotten there early, so when he walked in I was all smiles and hugs and “How are you; I missed you!”. It was all very nice, I remember thinking. So, I resumed reading and that had led to questions about what I was reading. Now, at the time, it was a Nicholas Sparks book of some kind. Let me pause here to explain that I’m not a “love at first sight” kind of girl, but damn that man can write love in a way that is borderline cheesy and cliché that makes me cry every time. So, anyway, he’s telling me how he finished all of the books he had during training and I’m telling him to come over and get any of my books he wants and then he says it: “I’m not reading anything that has a woman who’s not in the kitchen”.
My face closely resembled those emoticon faces; this one – O_O.
This was not the boy I had known my entire life. He was different and I sat there, my eyes wide and my mouth open from shock for a few seconds. Because, he knew I was a feminist at heart (and in action, really), but he decided to say what he had anyway. It had shocked me because I had people in my life who had enlisted in the Marines and they hadn’t changed that way at all. But, this guy that was just so sweet and kind had transformed into Megatron or something of the sort. Almost immediately after he’d made the comment, he’d turned his attention to the other people in the room, effectively ending the conversation; or so he’d thought. Naturally, I don’t settle for nonsense like that, so I spoke up.
“I’m sorry, it sounds like you just insulted women in front of me. You wanna retract your statement before I say something that you’re not gonna like?” I’m fairly certain, mostly because of the surprised look on his face, that he hadn’t expected me to say anything back. Which, is sort of completely ridiculous because he’d known who I was before he went off to Marine training. I remember sitting there, looking at him with expectant eyes. However, he just continued to look at me, half-confused, half-indignant. Now, because I’m hugely mature, I took the high road and rose off of the couch and left the room. Though, not before I looked over my shoulder and left with a biting remark. “Just because you’re in the Marines, doesn’t give you the excuse to speak to me in that way. Oh, and by the way, I burn things whenever I cook.”
Ha I love it! Thank you for such an entertaining image of a not so great experience. It is absolutely astonishing to hear these true stories about how women are still viewed today! I have a co-worker who strongly believes that one must marry a woman who has no higher education because this will allow her to be content as a house wife and mother to the many kids he wants. Excuse me? It is quite discouraging to meet people who, during this twenty first century, still has such a strong belief in where the wife and women belong.
ReplyDeleteI think it is impossible to expect all people to wake up and realize the time we are living in, to accept the working mother, or just working wife, the female president, or the stay-at-home dad.
There are so many influences today that stunt this development and acceptance. I did my blog on media influence on language. Media today portrays women in a certain light, while men also suffer a specific stereotype. It is important to analyze these influences, whether its media, religion(in my co-worker's case) or what seems to be military influence in your friend's case, and be aware of what is portrayed and how it affects everyone.
Wow, thanks for sharing that experience! It is hard when a person you know completely changes into someone you do not recognize. I know that many men in the military are the ‘macho’ sort but it is surprising that this guy would completely change. Isn’t it crazy how easily some people can be influenced? I suppose we all have the capacity to be influenced by others (for better or for worse) when we seek to be accepted by a group and forsake critical thinking! One would think that we should have made greater improvements with stereotypes. I know many girls who cannot cook at all and I know guys who can cook amazingly. Good job in speaking your mind to your Marine friend, I’m sure he was reminded that women do have a mind of their own and perhaps you got him to think about this new found belief of what a women’s place should be. I do believe that men and woman are made differently and that we do have specific roles, but this does not mean that men and women are unequal and that men cannot cook and a woman cannot mow the lawn, that is all very silly.
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Well for starters... You need to learn how to cook then... I was under the impression cooking and/or baking was embedded into every women's genetic code? JK! Yeah my mouth kind of dropped at that statement I mean I prefer women who knew their way around a kitchen but to bluntly come out and say, with conviction mind you, that women need to be in the kitchen, barefoot, and pregnant. Damn. I thought those people were joking... But first off let me apologize on behalf of the entire male population. Not all of us think like that, women say we have two heads and think with the other one most of the time. I disagree some men just do not think at all. They speak out of ignorance and believe the ridiculous crap that comes out of their mouths. I joke with my sisters, mother, girlfriend, and just about every other female I know about cooking a meal for their man. But I am joking. If a man needs nourishment get off of your ass and get to it. I am no Bobby Flay but I know what is up in the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteBut as to the never, ever, ever, etc. seeing a family guy episode? Really? I immediately thought of the Geico commercial with the two people living under a rock. That show has its moments... Who am I kidding it is hilarious but you have to be open minded to the crap that is said or done on that show. Most people will bash it I call it a late night laugh. But getting back to your guy friend why didn't you tell him that the marines may still be living in the forties but we live in the now and women do not just cook.